Half-way Home

..what I learned in the years that passed....

somehow... about 15 days before my birthday I came face to face with the truth that I will turn 45 whether I like it or not..

but soon after I turned 45 some few days back, I immediately made the resolve to accept it and accept it gracefully therefore I do not have any more qualms and hesitations should anyone asks me how old I am (which everyone else opts to ask specially when there is birthday...poor fellows..never knowing the good ethics of age-asking esp of course with ladies!)

now I was able to liberate myself from that belief and 'ethics daw' that "thou shall not ask the lady her age"....go ahead..ask me!!! and I will not retort "next question please"...I can shout to the whole wide world...Yeheeey I turned 45 years old...he he he..

I learned also that maternal nurturing and longing doesn't cease however and wherever you may be in life..at age 5 or 45...I still miss my mom to no end...wanting to see her more and more as time goes by...wanting to catch up on lost times...but the more I wished for all of these..the more time and occasions won't permit...

Sadly, I admit, I do miss the sole & perfect hubby my mom decided to share her life with..my dad...but his legacy lasts a lifetime...the values he painstakingly planted in each of our hearts, simply unique to one another but maintaining an equal love and treatment to us all... though on occasional times practicing different strokes to each of us, as we are 12 in all,simply because of our different minds and characters...his passion for loving others and caring for almost all that his loving service can reach is simply amazing. He never runs out of a loving gestures in words and in action...in my mind..my mom is so blessed for having have won the heart of this wonderful man.

I learned at 45 pala...there is still this feeling....this longing to be cuddled, to be embraced and to be assured every time that you are loved and cared for...by the persons closest to your heart...parent, children & spouse..

I learned and accepted that these feelings are normal though it may or may not happen to all or to all other women in the same age bracket and circumstances as i am...that this may be termed as mid-life crisis or sort-of-hormonal imbalance or other terms as mood swings, hyper, hypo, nag iinarte, nag sesenti, papansin, may sumpong...or nagmemenopos na kasi..he he...facts of life....hakuna matata..it means no worry...it's life's amazing wonders and truth he he..

I also learned that one of the most detractor towards a harmonious family life is the aim and eagerness to make a living, the constant yearning for a good & happy life via material blessings...the more that happiness & joy become elusive...but the moment one shift gears and make each day a celebration of life, ..meaning spending more time with the people we claim dear & close to us..,the very people we reason out why we are slaving ourselves to more work and work and achievements are the same people who suffer much due to our false notions of making life and making a living...and making life worth living..he he..labo ba??a basta...

At 45 I finally admitted that I was no longer the bubbly young mother-to-be as in the same pink of health and stamina as when I was 25 years old, at the time I was carrying my first born inside my tiny tummy of 24-inches yeaaarrrsss agoooo...and scaling the weight of 115 lbs in all of me and my 8th month pregnancy...wheeeh!!.

And I came to admit that that was a long time ago...that wishing back to regain the figure and the youthful strength is a wishful thinking...or is it???


But not a wishful thinking pala...because I came to realize at 45 it's not too late after all to shift lifestyle and re-arrange priorities...now I already included in my daily routine a few minute walk in the morning just before I start the day out at 6am to send off the kiddies to their school...

It's noteworthy to share also that while doing daily walk which I later called "A walk with the Lord" makes my entire day become so lightly handled and very relaxed. I called it "A walk with the Lord" because it is also the time I commune with the Him, morning prayers and also the time I recite the rosary while doing the 3 round-walk in our subdivision at 4:30 in the morning. This would take me only about 15 minutes or so...I feel so light and refreshed thereafter...and taking a bath soon after is a real treat. You will really feel and appreciate the water from the shower at whatever temperature it is...washing and hitting you from head to toe...ohhh what a feeling...

At this time of my life, at 45, I already gained a little confidence behind the wheels. Unlike sometime back (well, I learned driving at 44) when I really need to gulp liters of water right after driving due to edgy and hesitant feeling..I was so nervous on the road that makes my throat literally dry. What with a passenger who needs to be in school on or before 6:30am..and my little one Issa, who keeps on demanding a hug , a 'pikpik' (slight&soft tapping at her behind)and a 'kamot sa likod' while I was driving....oh my the almost too-often itchy back of my ksp little darling baby...

No one knew that it was a hidden dream....bringing back & forth my 3 girls to school was an all-time dream-come-true and achievement for me...I feel so fulfilled my motherly duties of sending off the children doesn't stop at the door step of my house but extended further to the gateway of their learning place...well it's just me .. and I am only speaking for myself...babaw kaligayahan he he he..

At 45, I became a little bit permissive and subtle at work, at home and almost everywhere...but maintaining the position that at the end of the day the important and basic things were observed: did I start it right and did i treat everyone and everything right and properly, did I do my part or what I did not and all other acts of commission and omission...

At ang dami dami ko pa gusto sabihin but I run out of words....at this time of my age pala...I am slowly discovering what I really want from life aside from being full time mom, wife & business partner...I long for this little & petty exercise which is noting down everything that cross my mind and transforming it to no-so-boring yet kinda reflective narration of one's feelings, emotions, wishes, aspirations, desires as well as peeves, pains, failures, what's hurting... & the likes...ohhh..ha ha...dami!!

Well, yes!! It's a time to celebrate..not only now that I turned 45...but from this day forward..he he he..the journey is more or less 50% done..I might as well savor every minute of it during the next 50% of my travel here on earth....by appreciating and loving everyone & everything life could offer..and not too late to be thankful to all the small and big miracles and blessings He graced us with...most of all the JOY that we all feel in spite of and despite of all the difficulties and struggles...it's a feeling more profound than happiness which can only come from Him...the JOY we feel is a gift only from God.

If I could only do perfectly what I just said...and make it my way of life..then the half-way journey is really worth the travel...however...for as long as I tried hard even if I fail so many times... thereafter get up and try again...then life is still sweeter and worth living...the bumpy road with all the valleys & cliffs are still worth the route but towards a heavenly home-run.